How To Apologize
Knowing how to apologize and how to accept an apology is not common knowledge these days. Maybe you haven't been able to articulate this exactly but you've probably sensed it when an apology doesn't seem quite right.
As Christians we should be experts at this. We should feel free to confess our wrongs to God and others, knowing that Christ has paid the price for our sins. We should also feel empowered to forgive others since Christ has forgiven us of our sins.
With that in mind here are a few ingredients in a genuine, robust and helpful apology:
1. The apology will call the sin what God calls it.
When we do something that is wrong or sinful we need to "call it what it is." Let's say, for example, that we spoke to someone in anger and used words that were cruel. We should NOT apologize like this: "I didn't mean to sound so rude...I'm sorry IF it sounded mean."
This is really just a sneaky way of saying, "I'm sorry you are so sensitive." When we lash out in anger the problem is not that we "might" have done something that was interpreted poorly. If it was anger or malice or quarreling or pride then we need to own it.
Owning would sound something like: "I realize that yesterday when I said __________ that I was speaking in anger. This was sinful and wrong and I am sorry."
2. The apology will acknowledge the cost of the sin.
Using "anger" again as an example, a genuine apology will recognize that this anger takes a toll on others. So, we could add this to the apology above: "I realize that yesterday when I said __________ that I was speaking in anger. This was sinful and wrong and I am sorry. I'm sorry because not only have I sinned against God, my anger made you feel embarrassed or unloved or fearful, etc."
3. The apology will communicate a plan for restitution.
If we are genuinely sorry we will make a plan to fight our sin and we will follow that plan. If we're talking about anger we could commit to meeting with other mature believers that we trust and ask for the help in getting to the root of our anger. It might sound something like this: "I'm sorry because not only have I sinned against God, my anger made you feel embarrassed or unloved or fearful. Because I don't want to sin this way I've reached out to _______________ for a conversation over coffee. I'm going to talk to him about what I did and ask him to help me get to the bottom of this and hold me accountable. If there is anything else I can do to show you that I'm truly sorry, please tell me."
4. The apology will ask for forgiveness.
Finally, having done all these things, it is now appropriate to ask for forgiveness. And once you've asked for it - you have to leave the situation in the hands of the offended and in the hands of God. You are not allowed to get righteously upset if the other person can't forgiven you right away. You're not allowed to get all huffy if they bring it up again. Do your part well, stay humble, and trust God.
As Christians we should be experts at this. We should feel free to confess our wrongs to God and others, knowing that Christ has paid the price for our sins. We should also feel empowered to forgive others since Christ has forgiven us of our sins.
With that in mind here are a few ingredients in a genuine, robust and helpful apology:
1. The apology will call the sin what God calls it.
When we do something that is wrong or sinful we need to "call it what it is." Let's say, for example, that we spoke to someone in anger and used words that were cruel. We should NOT apologize like this: "I didn't mean to sound so rude...I'm sorry IF it sounded mean."
This is really just a sneaky way of saying, "I'm sorry you are so sensitive." When we lash out in anger the problem is not that we "might" have done something that was interpreted poorly. If it was anger or malice or quarreling or pride then we need to own it.
Owning would sound something like: "I realize that yesterday when I said __________ that I was speaking in anger. This was sinful and wrong and I am sorry."
2. The apology will acknowledge the cost of the sin.
Using "anger" again as an example, a genuine apology will recognize that this anger takes a toll on others. So, we could add this to the apology above: "I realize that yesterday when I said __________ that I was speaking in anger. This was sinful and wrong and I am sorry. I'm sorry because not only have I sinned against God, my anger made you feel embarrassed or unloved or fearful, etc."
3. The apology will communicate a plan for restitution.
If we are genuinely sorry we will make a plan to fight our sin and we will follow that plan. If we're talking about anger we could commit to meeting with other mature believers that we trust and ask for the help in getting to the root of our anger. It might sound something like this: "I'm sorry because not only have I sinned against God, my anger made you feel embarrassed or unloved or fearful. Because I don't want to sin this way I've reached out to _______________ for a conversation over coffee. I'm going to talk to him about what I did and ask him to help me get to the bottom of this and hold me accountable. If there is anything else I can do to show you that I'm truly sorry, please tell me."
4. The apology will ask for forgiveness.
Finally, having done all these things, it is now appropriate to ask for forgiveness. And once you've asked for it - you have to leave the situation in the hands of the offended and in the hands of God. You are not allowed to get righteously upset if the other person can't forgiven you right away. You're not allowed to get all huffy if they bring it up again. Do your part well, stay humble, and trust God.
Recent
Archive
2025
Categories
no categories
No Comments